Good Enough

So the other day we were talking about how sometimes we can be our own worst critics. I read a quote the other day about how we are so used to the face staring back at us in the mirror, we don’t realize how beautiful we might look to a stranger. I think it’s probably true, too, that we are so used to believing certain things about ourselves, that we would be astonished to know what other people believe about us. When we might be feeling not good enough, someone else might see beauty, strength, grace, power.

kneeThis post is brought to you by my injuries.

Last weekend, Gilda’s Gang did a six mile training session. I’ve done so many of these, I’ve lost count. But this one was tough. My hamstrings were tight, my calves hurt, my bad foot was acting up, and I was favoring the knee that I injured years ago (see photo above). It wasn’t a good morning. At one point, I said to my walking partner, “I want to slow down.” And she said, “So let’s slow down.” And we did.

boot2Clear eyes, full hearts… walking boot?

You know what? The world didn’t end. We went slower, and gradually I started to feel better. Stronger. I thought, I could walk a really long time at this pace. This is challenging but not uncomfortable. This works.

bootGoes with every outfit!

And yet I also felt like I wasn’t trying hard enough, wasn’t doing enough. I ought to be faster. I need to be able to finish the half marathon on September 21st by a certain time or else… Or else what? I’ve failed? That’s silly, because as long as I cross that finish line before the course closes, I’m still going to get handed a medal to add to my collection. If the clock says 3:30 or 3:45 instead of 3:15 or 3;00, the only person who’s truly going to care about that is me.

My doctor said to me: “Don’t be your own critic… that takes the joy out of life.”

10389556963_bffbd58d87_zLet’s add an ankle sprain to the mix, eh?

He’s totally right. One thing that I’ve lost (and found and lost again) during my seven years as a half marathon walker is the joy of it. It’s hard work, don’t get me wrong. The hardest thing I’ve ever done – repeatedly! But there also used to be joy in it. I think I can get that back, if I take it easy, if I take care of myself.

I say to my first-time Gang members all the time that their goal should be just to finish. And this year, that needs to be my goal, too. Maybe every time I step up to the start line from now on, my goal will only to be finish. At whatever pace, at whatever time. My Personal Record (2:59:41, for those keeping track at home) will probably stand forever. And that’s not the end of the world. I’m not the same person I was in 2008.

photo1(1)Annnnd we’re back to the knee.

I have believed for many years that I am only a good endurance walker if I walk fast enough, if I see a certain time on the clock. If I can’t manage that, then I’m a failure. I don’t think other people believe that about me. I think they see someone who has struggled with injury and pain, who is still out there doing it, who is still walking those 13.1 miles.

photo2These shoes (and these feet) will take me to the finish line…at any pace.

Sorry to be the one to break this to you, but slow and steady doesn’t win the race. It does finish the race, though. And that’s more than good enough.

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