Abandon Perfect

I’m gonna do that thing that they say you shouldn’t do: Start a blog post with a definition. (Who are they, anyway? And are they actually reading my blog? Hi! Can you get me on HuffPo?) Here’s a definition of perfect:

Having all the required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics; as good as it is possible to be.

Okay, so perfect is about meeting some seriously high expectations. Whose? The same “they” who hate the way this post started? Society? Your mom? My mom? Whoever decided on these required or desirable elements, qualities, or characteristics, I would like to have a strongly-worded conversation with them. Because, frankly, the pursuit of perfection seems to be making us pretty miserable.

Frankly, fortune, I don't believe you!
Frankly, fortune, I don’t believe you!

Play a little game with me. First, take a look at some synonyms of perfect: ideal, flawless, ultimate, optimum, unspoiled, unblemished, correct, right, true. Now, consider those words in relation to yourself. How does they make you feel? Do you measure up? Does your life? Does your body?

I know so many strong, funny, smart, kind, compassionate, generous women who are doing their best in their lives, who are raising families, succeeding at their careers, pursuing passions, even just getting out of bed in the morning (which can be an incredible act all on its own), but who are constantly down on themselves because they aren’t perfect spouses, mothers, siblings, daughters, lovers, employees, women.

That one I'll take!
That one I’ll take!

It’s time to let go. Because there is no such thing as perfect. (No, not even Beyoncé.) There will always be something more, just outside your current reach. Spend five minutes scrolling through Pinterest to see what I mean. Your pantry could be more organized, your wedding favors could be more crafty, your children could be dressed like tiny fashionistas and tops in their class and sports, your fingernails could be works of art, you could have a jar full of date-night ideas for you and your husband, you could be kicking butt at a plank challenge. But even if you do manage to fit all that in? Your life still won’t be perfect. You will find something else that you haven’t done right or enough.

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t pursue things, have dreams, hope and work for more or better in your life. I’m all for that! Rather, it’s about letting go of the idea that there is some ideal way to pursue things, have dreams, and to achieve more and better.

This one too.
This one too.

The part of the definition that’s missing is: perfect is an unattainable state. It’s constantly shifting, perpetually in motion. Check out this breakdown of the “perfect” body from the past 100 years. If there was a truly perfect female form, why would we have all of these variations over the years?

If there is one thing I wish for you, my lovely readers, it’s that you abandon the pursuit of perfection. I promise that you will be so much happier if you do. Your marriage will never be perfect. Your children – and your relationship with them – will never be perfect. Your body, your job, your complexion, your love life, your wardrobe, your downward dog, your food, your vacation, your friendships – they will never be perfect. And that’s okay. It’s more than okay! Because once you let go of the idea of perfection, you will have room in your life for so much more: more joy, more wonder, more adventure – and more mess, more grief, more heartbreak. After all, the sorrow helps us to truly appreciate the sweet.

Abandon perfect. You can’t hold on to it, so why not let it go?

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