When Good Friends Get It Wrong

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The other day I ran into the epitome of what, no doubt, I encounter just about every time I flip on Tumblr or read some of the comments left on a body-positive photo. I had a friend over and we were hanging out, just catching up, when she innocently asked if I follow any blogs. I replied with something along the lines of, “Well, this past year I really got into body positivity. It’s so refreshing to see someone with my body type in front of me, because the media has always fed me images of women who are so different from me. So, a lot of the blogs I follow are just cool fat chicks.” My friend replied with something along the lines of, “Oh, yeah. I saw you liked a photo on Facebook of a REALLY big girl.”

Me (trying not to sound peeved): “Oh? What did she look like?”

Her: “I dunno. She was way big, and I think in some lingerie?”

Me: “Tess Munster?”

Her: “YEA! Tess. She’s pretty big. It’s just so unhealthy.”

Oh lord. Here we go.

Me: “Well… She is NOT that big at all, and any way…… are you a doctor?”

Her: “Eerrrrr…… She’s really pretty though.”

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Then it was on to a different subject. My husband was sitting in the room with us, and I probably would have went off on a bigger tangent, but I just stopped cold in my tracks.

I’d be willing to bet a couple of things:

  1. Tess Munster is probably either the same size I am, if not smaller. My friend and I have been friends since fourth grade, and I’ve always been the fat kid. Does she think I’m really unhealthy? If not, what would make her think Tess is? Stereotype?
  2. My friend will never even think of that conversation again, whereas I will carry around that irksome feeling I had when this conversation went down for a good week at least. I also thought about it the rest of the time we were hanging out.

I find it ironic that we have been friends for so long and, thankfully, she has never once mentioned my weight (or health in connection with my weight), yet she sees someone like Tess as “unhealthy” and “REALLY big,” when in reality Tess wears a smaller size than I am. This is just one of those questions that may never be answered.

Please folks, just stop. Stop trying to force a connection between weight and ill-health. And if you can’t help yourself, just keep your mouth shut and recognize that the world was never intended to be comprised of everyone looking and thinking the same.

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