Motivation When You Haven’t Found “That Thing”

You know how a key component of a healthy lifestyle is moving your body in a way that you enjoy? Yeah… I struggle with that. See, as an adult, I haven’t found THAT THING yet — the thing that makes me say, “I’d rather be doing THAT THING than hanging with my kids or reading a book or watching a movie with my husband or sleeping.”

I used to be a dancer.

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A very disciplined dancer.

From three to thirteen, I lived in a leotard. I still struggle with the misconception that I’m fully dressed when wearing just tights. From 13 to 18, I dropped most of my formal dance classes, but I still performed in school musicals and called myself a dancer.

After 18, it got a little less clear cut in my head. I could still rock the dance floor at a college party, but my body was changing. The insane core strength and muscle tone that was a side effect of hours of barre work and floor exercises started to wane. The pudge that had always surrounded my midsection started migrating downward, covering my former rock-hard butt and legs. My stamina and flexibility were shockingly crappy. My self-image and self-esteem, while never stellar, were as low as my arabesques.

After college, my activity levels really changed. I was working full time and feeding myself on an entry-level salary (all carbs, all the time). I wasn’t making a conscious effort to add healthy movement to my lifestyle, and my body and overall health reflected these choices. By the time I realized “muscle memory” and youth weren’t going to keep me healthy for the rest of my life, I had been rocking the sedentary lifestyle for the better part of a decade. (And I’m not even going to touch my disordered relationship with food. That’s a post for another day.)

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All carbs all the time.

Fast-forward through 12 years of desk jobs and weight-loss attempts, two pregnancies, multiple failed relationships with personal trainers, many miserable late-night workout sessions after the kids were (finally) asleep, and I find myself here: embarrassed at how different my 34-year-old body is from my 14- and 24-year-old bodies, and not motivated to work out.

I was pondering this dilemma recently during a particularly sleepless night when it hit me. Two things are holding me back from incorporating regular, healthy movement into my life:

  1. I don’t like working out because there’s nowhere to hide from my body. I’m actually focusing on it instead of pretending it’s not there. It can’t do what it used to be able to do, it hurts a lot more, and that’s depressing.
  2. I’m a full-time working mom. I already feel guilty for spending so much time away from my kids. Taking MORE time away to go to the gym or go for a bike ride just riddles me with guilt.

What if there was a way to build healthy, fun movement into my life WITH my family? What if instead of waiting until my kids were asleep to try to motivate myself to work out, I could work out with them? I could model a healthy, positive relationship with exercise while getting my own butt moving. I’m a champ at expressing body acceptance and positivity when my kids are around, so maybe their very presence would shut down demons in my own head.

So I decided to email my current trainer, whom I had paid in full for a year and then successfully avoided for six months. She’s one of those amazing women who always seems to say “YES!” and she didn’t bat an eye when I asked her to train my family of four instead of just me. She created an awesome interval-based class that involves teamwork and competition that meets the needs of two adults and two young school-aged kids. We meet twice a week, and though we often feel “too tired” to go after a long weekday, we always feel amazing when we leave. And guess what. I’m far too busy cheering on my five- and seven-year-old to give a second thought to what I look like in my workout gear. I’m more interested in how many push-ups they can do than how many I can’t. We’re a team, and we’re kicking butt.

Team Healey
Team Healey

I won’t go so far as to say that I’ve found THAT THING. I’m never just DYING to go workout, but I feel so good about including my kids in my workouts that I’m willing to keep going. I’m actually motivated to get over myself and just be in the moment with my family. Next up? Maybe a family dance class!

How about you? Have you found THAT THING? Is there something active you love doing so much that you can’t imagine life without it? For those of you with kids, how do you incorporate healthy activity into your family life? How does your relationship with your own body affect your motivation to get active with your kids? What solutions have you come up with?

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