So I got a new tattoo. It’s a Fat Cat, a design made (locally) famous by my sister. I absolutely love it. The artist (you can find him here) totally nailed what I was going for: It looks like my sis drew it on my back and then took a bunch of crayons to it!
I have been thinking about getting this tattoo for a few years now, but something always stopped me: What other people would think. I know, right? I write here all the time about doing what you want with your body, not allowing what others think (or assume) dictate how you live. And yet, I was frozen, convinced that people were going to think less of me for getting this ink. Even funnier considering I already have four other tattoos!
I was finally able to get the Fat Cat after I spend a good amount of time reminding myself that it’s my body, my rules. It doesn’t matter if not a single other person on the planet doesn’t like the ink – what matters is that I like it. After all, I didn’t get it for any of you, I got if for me.
Let’s be totally honest: It’s easy to say “my body, my rules,” but it’s much harder to put it into practice. This goes – as I’m sure you already guessed – beyond tattooing. Of course my first instinct is to consider fat bodies. Consider the guts it takes for fat people to dress however they like (think crop tops, leggings, form-fitting clothes, swimsuits), to make their bodies visible in public, to participate in physical activities in view of others. Sometimes the simple act of walking out the door with an “abnormal” body (that is, one that does not conform to what society considers ‘normal’: thin, able-bodied) is an act of defiance and a show of strength. But the truth is, body acceptance is something I believe every one of us – in all our wonderful shapes, sizes, and abilities – struggles with.
It seems to me that there are two major obstacles to conquer when it comes to accepting our bodies: ourselves, and other people. It takes a lot of hard work to rewire your brain after years of being taught that your body is not good; a lot of long, difficult conversations; a lot of unblinking looking into mirrors (both metaphorical and literal) until you learn to like what you see there. But even when you’ve come to accept yourself, you still have to deal with the world outside your head, heart, and door, with the people and messages that tell you you’re wrong after all. You can spend years working on your self-confidence, and one nasty remark can send you tumbling back down into that shame-filled abyss you worked so hard to climb out of.
We all know (or have read comments from) people who have made it their jobs to remind us that we are not right, not good enough. Advertising makes billions of dollars by convincing us we aren’t supposed to wear that, we aren’t allowed to do that, we aren’t welcome to take up that particular space – until we look a certain way, which we can only do by buying their products. Bullies aren’t in it for the money; they just enjoy making other people feel bad. It would be easier to understand their motives if they were getting paid, right?
It can be very difficult to keep our spines straight and our heads up under those withering circumstances. We can help ourselves, though, by building and strengthening communities like the one we have here. We can lift each other up, and lift ourselves up in the process. The specifics are unique to each of us, but together we can encourage each other to live by the motto: our bodies, our rules. Eventually our voices will be loud enough that we can tune out the media messages, and drown out the bullies.
What rules do you have for your body? How do you stay strong in the face of outside forces who don’t want you to be you? And do you have any tattoos? Share in the comments!
