Each of us is our own worst critic, right? Unless we’ve gotten a really horrendous haircut, the chances of someone else noticing our bad hair day is pretty slim. But when we look in the mirror? Mane disaster!
Here’s another example: If I wear a top or a dress that is even the littlest bit form fitting, I am convinced that people three states over can see my belly rolls. And while maybe they can see them, I am pretty sure they don’t see them the way I do. (Yeah, I know that feeling negatively about my belly rolls is antithetical to the spirit of BFD, but you already knew body acceptance was a journey – this is a common rest stop along the way for me.)
I read a lot of blogs and articles about fat people – those written by fat people, those written for fat people, and those written about fat people. And there is a lot of stuff out there that angers me. It makes me mad when people assume they know the health habits of fat people. It makes me mad when people make generalizations about fat people – that we are lazy, and gluttonous, and stupid, and unworthy.
There’s stuff that disappoints me, too. Like when people base their self worth on the number on the scale or the size of their pants. Like when people become obsessed with dieting and weight loss. Like when people see physical movement as a form of punishment for their dietary sins.
But the hardest part about all that reading I do? It’s the sad stuff. Story after story about the fat shaming, ridicule, and bullying that so many fat people suffer at the hands of people who are supposed to love them. It’s unbelievable, the kind of heart-breaking things that parents, spouses, family members, and lovers have said to fat people. It’s one thing for fat shaming and hatred to come from strangers (especially those who get to hide behind the powerful anonymity of the internet). But for it to come from the people who should love you the most?
It’s almost mind-boggling to me to know that this happens. I have been lucky – blessed, even – to be surrounded by friends and family who treat me with respect, dignity, and love. My parents never hinged their love on my body size. My best friends never shamed me for not being able to wear something, or for what I put in my mouth. So to all of you who have treated me decently and well, I thank you. And I hope that you extend that same courtesy and respect to all people, not just the ones you happen to love.
Okay, so tell me: Who’s your worst critic? Who has hurt your heart, your mind, your spirit, with cruel words about your appearance? Who’s opinion most affects your feelings of worth? Take this quick poll, and then share in the comments!
