Who’s the Boss? (Not a Tony Danza Reference… Or Is It? No, It’s Not.)

Yesterday I had that conversation again. The one where I’m talking about something – and it can be anything, from airplane seats to leggings to grocery shopping to online dating, although this particular instance was about boots – and I call myself fat. Then this happens:

The Other Person: “I hate it when you call yourself that!”
Me: “But I am fat.”
The Other Person: “But I don’t think of you that way!”

Friends, I know you mean well when you say these things. I know that you think I’m being mean to me myself, and you don’t like that and want me to stop. It’s okay. You’ve spent your entire life being told that the word “fat” has terrible and enormous negative power. It’s synonymous with lazy, disgusting, ugly, and many other mean and hurtful words. I can’t blame you for wanting to stop me from saying that I’m those things.

But I’m not saying that I’m those things. I don’t think I’m lazy, or disgusting, or ugly. I think I have a lot of adipose tissue on my body, and that’s it. Calling myself fat is just like Jared Padalecki calling himself tall. Both are facts about our bodies, and tell you absolutely zilch about the quality of our persons.

mejarpad

Short. Tall. Fat. Thin. Check out our adjectives!

What’s the go-to insult for kids? Fat. Oh, heck, it’s not just kids… I know plenty of adults who drop the F word when they want to hurt or degrade someone. It’s unbelievable the power that we have let such a tiny little word have.

Remember when you were little, you swore that sticks and stones might break your bones, but words would never hurt you? Of course, you know that words can sometimes be the most painful weapon of them all. But we don’t have to let fat be one of those words, not if we make a conscious effort to stop giving it all that negative power.

Here’s one simple way you can do that: If someone you know identifies as and calls themselves fat, let them do so without comment. It’s my body and mine alone, and therefore it is up to me how I describe it. The gist of this is The Underpants Rule, coined by Ragen Chastain:

The Underpants Rule is simple: everyone is the boss of their own underpants so you get to choose for you and other people get to choose from them and it’s not your job to tell other people what to do.

cory

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Cory Matthews.

So if we’re ever sitting around talking about, say, boots, and I complain that the combination of my tiny feet and my fat calves make it hard for me to find a pair that fits, do me a favor and offer me a sympathetic ear… and that’s all. Thanks in advance, friends.

One last thing. I’ve found that it really helps to put fat issues into perspective if you change the body descriptor. It ends up making the example sound ridiculous, and (hopefully) shows people how unnecessary certain comments or assumptions can be. Here’s an example: If you were 6’4″ like my friend Jared up there, and you called yourself tall, I would never reply, “Don’t say that! You’re not tall!I hate it when you talk about yourself like that!” Try it. You might like it.

Back to Top
%d bloggers like this: