As you’ve probably noticed, I have a lot of really strong opinions. No matter how fired up I get about something, though, I strive to be truthful about how I’m feeling, and to not be deceptive or dishonest. I’m bringing this up because, over the weekend, I was reminded of the ways in which some people try to hide their disgust for other people by pretending to care about those other people.
The idea of pretending to care about the health of fat people is almost as pervasive as the message that fat is going to kill us all. Sorry, but I just don’t believe that a random thin person truly and deeply cares about my well being. (If they did, they would realize that their constant bullying and shaming is doing incredible damage to me, emotionally and mentally.) I think the truth is, random thin people are uncomfortable admitting they just think I’m gross to look at.
The other day, I read an article about one women’s journey to giving up diets and embracing her fat body. It’s a huge struggle for a lot of people to reach that point (many never will), so I say kudos to her. Now, I know I shouldn’t read the comments sections of any article, much less one about fat people, but I did. And what I discovered is that there are thin people who just can’t keep their mouths shut about everything fat people are doing wrong. They rant about how we’re killing ourselves, they shake their fists and lament about why we refuse to get and stay healthy (read: thin). They go on and on about how if we would just eat A, B, or C, or move our bodies in X, Y, or Z fashion, we would no longer be fat. They remind us that we’re throwing our lives away, and they care so much about us that they don’t want that to happen. They want us to live and be happy – once we’re thin.
You can’t argue with these people, because they immediately accuse you of being overly sensitive. Well, what do they expect?! They repeatedly and insistently tell us that our bodies are wrong and we are massive failures because we can’t make them permanently smaller. They themselves have never been fat, but they are experts in how we can all stop being that way. They outright ignore statistics that show it’s virtually impossible to keep large amounts of weight off long term, and they ALWAYS insist that we are lying about our eating and exercise habits. They inevitably fall back on the stereotype of the couch-bound fatty shoveling fast food into their slobbering mouths day and night. It’s SCIENCE, they insist. We must get thin for our health, they insist.
Why can’t they just admit that what really motivates their passion has nothing to do with my health, and everything to do with their aesthetic values? Some random stranger on the internet doesn’t care about my health. They care that my body size and shape (or what they presume it to be) offends their idea of what a body should look like. Heck, just the other week there was a guy on the local radio who was making assumptions about people’s fitness levels just by having them call in and state their height and weight. How nice of him to care so much about health!
If these people truly cared about the health of random people they don’t know, shouldn’t they launch crusades against smokers, alcoholics, drug users, bungee jumpers, and people that ride in cars without seat belts? Some of them fall back on the “your blubber is driving up health care costs!” argument. Well, so are people who engage in all those things I just listed, but for some reason (with the exception of smokers), these unhealthy behaviors (not that I am calling being fat a behavior, mind you) usually get a pass. Unless they are drinking and doing drugs while driving to their bungee jumping experience without a seat belt on while ALSO being fat, of course.
Here’s another thing that drives me bonkers: Men who use the word “fit” on dating websites to weed out fat women. You don’t actually want someone who’s fit, because then I’d totally make the cut. I say right there in my profile that I am a regular at the gym, have done almost a dozen half marathons, am a coach and a certified personal trainer. But when you say you’re looking for someone fit like you, you’re using “fit” as a synonym for “thin.” News flash: Fit doesn’t mean thin, just as fat doesn’t mean “not fit.” I would much rather you be up front and just say you are only interested in thin women. In today’s society, it’s pretty much assumed that’s what you’re looking for anyway, so why not just be honest? It would save us both a lot of time.
So, thin people who are grossed out by fat bodies: Own up to it. Stop pretending you care about my health. Stop using words like ‘fit’ and ‘healthy’ when what you really mean is ‘thin.’ This kind of talk doesn’t do any of us any good. Be honest about your prejudices and preconceived notions, so I can tell you straight away that I want nothing to do with you.
