My Fatkini and Me

So, I just got back from vacation. A beach vacation. Before I went, I bought a fatkini. On our second day, I put the fatkini on and I went down to the beach. And you know what happened? Nothing. Nobody looked at me. Nobody even seemed to notice me. I sunned and swam and talked with my friends, and nothing happened. There were so many people there, with so many different body shapes and sizes, in so many stages of dress (and undress), that I wasn’t even a blip on anyone’s radar.

Me in the Gulf of Mexico! Not in a fatkini. Plus some random kid's back.
Me in the Gulf of Mexico! Not in a fatkini. Plus some random kid’s back.

Which isn’t to say I was totally nonchalant and chill about the whole thing, because I definitely wasn’t. I was terrified to walk out there with my belly showing – even if it was just a sliver of belly compared to what some people show off in a swim suit. Even with the encouragement of my friends and no one looking at me funny, I was still super self-conscious and uncomfortable.

From the back. Plus my best friend's back.
From the back. Plus my best friend’s back.

I fully intended to take a picture of me in my fatkini to use here on the blog (artfully posed and with just the right lighting, of course), but I never had my friends take one. I only wore the fatkini once in our eight days at the beach; as much as I wanted to be super body positive and brave, I went straight back to my one-piece suit after that first fatkini experience.

Will I ever wear it again? Sure, given the right circumstances. And if this beach vacation taught me anything, it’s that those circumstances have be right in my head, more than they need to be right in the world.

Here are all my vacation pictures, if you’re into looking at other people’s vacation pictures!