The last time we checked in with Laurie, she was struggling with her weight through a series of failed diets and exercise attempts. Today, she walks us through her experience talking to doctors about having weight loss surgery. (Catch up with Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3.)
Part 4: The Next Step
I actually looked into weight loss surgery about 15 years ago, back when the only option was the gastric bypass procedure. I went to an “Introduction to Gastric Bypass Surgery” meeting at Salem Hospital with my best friend, and sat through the meeting like a deer caught in headlights. Oh, it was terrifying. All I could hear was CAN’T. You can’t swallow pills anymore. You can’t chew gum. You can’t drink anything carbonated. You can’t ever have fun again for the rest of your natural life. At 24 years old, the last thing I wanted to hear was a long list of all the things I’d never be able to do again. I was instantly turned off, left the meeting in a haze, and never went back.
What made me warm up to the concept again was….well, it was a whole slew of things. On the surface, most of it was because I had a child – a healthy, active boy with whom I was having trouble keeping up. I was sick of watching my 64-year-old mother down on the floor, playing with my son in a way that I was physically incapable. Watching my husband take him on all the rides at the Topsfield Fair (something I used to do with my mom, and wanted desperately to do with my own child). It sucked. It still sucks. The older he gets, the more he wants to do, and the less I’m able to do with him. So I decided to bite the bullet and talk to my doctor about the surgery.
Now, here’s where we get to the horrible effects of a lifetime of fat-shaming. I’ve been going to the same doctor since I was in high school, and I really like him. The problem is, I rarely, if ever, saw him when I went in for an appointment. It was usually one of his nurses, whom I got to know very well over the years. Very friendly, very knowledgeable, very capable….very skinny. I can’t tell you how many times my weight was brought up in that office, in that casual, “Well, of course it wouldn’t hurt if you lost a few pounds” kind of off-handed way. So when I thought about talking to my doctor about weight loss surgery, I was terrified. I thought I would have to sit through a half-hour discussion about how, if I just tried, I could lose the weight myself without having to resort to surgery, and here’s a food pyramid to help you along. Thank you. Twenty dollar co-pay, please.
I didn’t want to have to deal with someone telling me that all the yo-yo-ing and measuring and pointing and bouncing from weight to weight while watching my knees give out and my back give up was as good as it was going to get for me, so I should just accept my fate and get back on Weight Watchers.
I couldn’t have been more wrong. As soon as I told him what I was in there for, he lit up like a Christmas tree. It was genuine happiness – not relief like “oh thank Christ you’re finally doing something about this!!” but genuine joy that I was ready to take the next step, and help myself get healthy. I felt like an alcoholic who finally decides to attend an AA meeting. He was thrilled for me, and walked me through the next steps with care and dignity. I love him a little for that. 🙂
He set me up with Lahey Clinic in Burlington, MA. Normally, I would have gone back to Salem Hospital because I thought they were the only ones in the area who did surgical weight loss procedures, but he steered me in another direction. He told me to attend a pre-surgery information meeting (not unlike the one I had attended 15 years ago) at the Lahey in Peabody, MA (much closer to me) and that they would get me started – if I decided to commit – and get the ball rolling. I attended that meeting much like a petulant teenager would sit in a guidance counselor’s office discussing the process for applying to college: Surly, disinterested, and wholeheartedly against the whole concept. I was anxious, and convinced that the whole thing was a bunch of nonsense that would NEVER work. This is a typical reaction from me when approaching a new weight loss method – I’m enthusiastic about starting, I make the effort to get myself there…and then I balk at the whole thing like their sole purpose is to get me to drink their Kool Aid. Very typical of me and my body’s defense mechanism.
So I sat in that meeting, fat and discouraged, wondering why I was there and who I thought I was kidding by thinking this was something I could do….until they rolled out the “after” pictures. Now, they didn’t have to include the usual post-weight loss disclaimer “Results Not Typical” for me to know that not everyone has such a dramatic 180 turn post-surgery….but even knowing that didn’t diminish the effects of seeing those people, happy and healthy and fit (not by any means “thin” or “skinny”, for the most part, either). It was pretty amazing. That was when I was reminded of just why I was there in the first place, and from that point on I was on board.
Next time, Laurie talks about her pre-surgery consultation and preparations for the big day.
If you have a story you’d like to share, please contact me at bigfitdeal@gmail.com.
