It’s time for a Very Important Message. It applies to you whether you’re a parent or not (disclosure for those who don’t already know: I’m not). If you know any children at all, this message applies to you.
Children pay attention to everything you say and do.
Well, obviously, right? But let’s look at that through the lens of BFD. Kids pay attention to everything you say about bodies – yours, theirs, other peoples’ – and everything you do with it.
For the sake of argument, let’s say that everyone reading this is a mom of a little girl (although this all applies to boys, too). Now let’s imagine that you are very careful to teach your daughter to love and respect and care for her body, to nourish and move it so she stays healthy and grows up strong. Good work, mom!
But let’s also imagine that you’re constantly criticizing your own body, punishing it through restrictive dieting and overexercising, pointing out its flaws. You might think you’re saying and doing these things out of earshot of your little girl. But you can’t always be sure that she’s not listening – and absorbing.
So, what does your daughter think? Well, you might say, I’m always telling her how beautiful and strong her body is, and that’s what matters. But your daughter hears your fears and doubts and insecurities. She hears you saying terrible things about one of the most important people in her life: her mom, the person who hung the moon in her little sky. She also hears, loud and clear, when you body shame other people – from relatives to people you pass on the street to celebrities on the cover of a glossy magazine. She sees you restricting and moralizing food, punishing your body through excessive exercise, and shaming yourself when you “fall off the wagon” and enjoy a rich meal or a relaxing night on the couch.
New studies are popping up all the time about how younger and younger children are going on diets, hating their bodies, and learning disordered eating and exercise. Your children are going to face enormous pressure from outside forces to achieve and maintain thinness at any cost. Make your home a safe haven from those messages. Talk about health gain instead of weight loss. Teach your children that all bodies are good bodies, that size and health are not always related, and that moving and nourishing your body are the best ways to respect and care for your body – no matter what it looks like.
And remember: The best way you can teach children to love, respect, and care for their bodies is by first doing the same for you own.
