A friend and I were talking the other day about what we see when we look in the mirror, what other people see when they look at us, and how we feel about how we look. My friend mentioned that a lot of times, she walks through the world feeling pretty darn good about her body. She feels she dresses really cute (she totally does!) and that she looks good (she’s right!). But then, she’ll catch a glimpse of herself in a mirror, or see a picture of herself, and realize she was completely wrong. She stands there and counts her “flaws,” and sees all the ways her body is not attractive or acceptable by current societal standards – meaning, of course, that she is not thin. She wondered if she has “reverse body dysmorphia.”
Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) or body dysmorphia is a serious mental illness “wherein the affected person is concerned with body image, manifested as excessive concern about and preoccupation with a perceived defect of their physical features” (thank you, Wikipedia). I think that probably every single one of us suffers from at least a mild case of body dysmorphia. We do not see our bodies accurately. We think we are bigger, fatter, lumpier, uglier (and on and on) than we really are. We are our own worst critics, especially when it comes to our bodies. This perception can be all-consuming and debilitating, or it can just be a huge downer. No matter where you fall on the body dysmorphia spectrum, your perceptions about your body can have a huge impact on your life, both personally and professionally.
The point is, I totally get what my friend is saying. I’ll put on an outfit that I feel really great in, and I’ll strut right out my front door and into the world, head high. Then I’ll catch a glimpse of my reflection, and I’ll see that my pregnant-looking belly is super obvious in that top, and my calves look enormous in those pants, and on and on. I completely deflate, and feel foolish for having thought I looked so good.
The truth is, every reflection is, in some way, a fun house mirror. Mirrors in dressings rooms are meant to make us look slimmer. The camera adds ten pounds. Harsh fluorescent lighting in public bathrooms can completely alter our complexions and hair color. And we look different depending on who is looking at us. Is it our mother? Our high school rival? Our husband? Our best friend? A drunk guy at the bar? Ourselves? Each of these people see us and our bodies differently.
So, where’s the truth? Which reflection is real? What do we really look like? No matter what the mirror or the photograph says, the truth is found in every moment when you feel beautiful, strong, happy, and loved. That’s the reflection that matters.
