I’ve been thinking a lot lately about success, and more specifically, why we so often don’t allow ourselves to truly celebrate our successes. Sure, in the moment of our success, we’re proud, we’re happy – maybe even overjoyed! But then a little voice pipes up and says, “Okay, nice work, but…”
Sure, you ran your first 5K, or walked your first half marathon, or got your first short story published. Maybe you got a promotion at work, got engaged, sold a painting, held a plank for 60 seconds. There are endless goals to achieve and successes to celebrate. So why do we have such trouble being proud of ourselves? The thoughts pile on: “Sure, I ran my first 5K, but I came in dead last, so it’s really not much of an accomplishment.” “Sure, I got a story published, but if I was really talented, it would be in The New Yorker.” “Sure, I held that plank for 60 seconds, but I can’t hold a side plank at all.”
I had one of those “but” moments after the Toronto Half Marathon back in May. I was so proud of myself for finishing, what with the heat and the blazing sun. It wasn’t the finish time I’d been hoping for, but I also hadn’t expected those weather conditions, so I brought that medal back across the border with pride. And then I saw the pictures of me during the race and I was horrified. My first thought was: “If I was skinny, I would look good in those pictures. And I would have finished faster, too.”
Those magic words: “If I was skinny.” I can list about a hundred thousand ways I often believe my life would be different (read: better) if I was skinny. I would look better in clothes. I would be able to run, instead of “just” walk. I would be married. That last one is a big one for me, because pretty much all of my low self-esteem issues center around being single. If I was skinny, I’d have a wonderful husband to love me, who would be there to help celebrate successes like finishing another half marathon or getting another story published. Sure, I’ve experienced those successes as a single woman, but wouldn’t they be better shared? Society, media, and (worst of all) my own brain tell me over and over that I could have those things I desire most if only I was skinny… and those successes I am achieving would be richer and more profound. More deserved.
As counter-intuitive as it sounds, truly celebrating success is tough work. Think about the last time you accomplished something you really worked hard at. Did you truly allow yourself to be proud, to celebrate, to enjoy the moment? Or did you remind yourself that you could have done more, been more? I’m not talking about pushing yourself toward greater accomplishments, like doing your next 5K faster. I mean that voice that pops up just as you’re putting that hard-earned medal around your neck and whispers, “You wouldn’t have been at the back of the pack if you weren’t so… if you hadn’t… if you had only…”
This is a challenge I present to myself and to you: Make an effort to silence those “but” and “if only” voices. The next time you accomplish something – whether it’s a race, a work goal, or even just getting the laundry folded and put away the same day you take it out of the dryer – let yourself truly celebrate. Silence those voices that say you still aren’t [good, fast, skinny] enough. You are enough. You’re more than enough, actually. You’re fantastic.
