I have a love/hate relationship with numbers. I used to love them, so very much. My life was completely centered around numbers. From points to pounds to calories, to pace to miles to finish times, I just could not get enough of numbers. I counted every bit of food that I put into my mouth and every minute of time I spent working it off.
Nearing the finish line of my first half marathon.
Wearing a heart rate monitor so I could track my calorie burn.
I had just about every gadget you can imagine, from a FitBit to a Garmin to calorie and fitness apps on my phone. As time passed, I realized that I was becoming obsessed with those numbers. I wasn’t eating for pleasure or taste. I wasn’t moving my body because I enjoyed it or it felt good. What I ate and how I moved was based only on how those things would affect the numbers that defined me.
Doesn’t that look good? Quick! Count the calories!
There wasn’t an exact moment when I realized I needed to let go of the numbers. I shed them one by one, over time. First, I stopped wearing my Garmin when I was training. Because of my overuse injury, I wasn’t walking as fast as I wanted to, and seeing the pace on my wrist made me blue. So I took the watch off, and I walked at whatever speed my body was capable of that day. I stopped letting the numbers dictate my success, and started moving because it felt good.
Now these are the only things I wear on my wrist on race day.
Next, I let go of counting calories. After over a decade, I was no longer consumed with reading nutrition labels, obsessing over carb and fat and protein combinations. Instead, I started eating what my body wanted, when it wanted it. Now, if I want a steaming plate of vegetables, that’s what I have. If I want pizza, that’s what I have. I eat until I’m full, and then I stop. Nothing is off limits. There is so much freedom in letting go of calorie (or carbs or protein or fat) counting and just eating. It’s counterintuitive in our diet-obsessed culture, I know. But it’s been a positive and liberating change for me.
Cake, now served guilt-free!
Late last summer, I took up swimming. It’s been great for my sprained ankle and recurring leg injury, and it’s done wonders for my endurance and strength. I swim 2-3 times a week for 45 minutes at a time. This Saturday, when I got out of the pool, I suddenly wondered: How far did I just swim? How long does it take me to swim a length, a lap? I wanted numbers, information, statistics. I want to know… and yet, I don’t. I could totally go out tomorrow and buy a waterproof watch that calculates all sorts of numbers for me. Or, I could get in the pool tonight and swim because it makes me feel amazing and strong.
I’m curious: How do you feel about numbers? Do you love them, or loathe them? What numbers do you track? What numbers are important to you? Please share in the comments!
(And also let me know what you think about the new look of BFD. I’m playing around with a new theme that is mobile friendly for those of you reading on your phones or tablets. Comments and suggestions welcome!)
