First, I’d like to offer a big ol’ welcome to all of my new readers! There is an article on the website of the local newspaper about me, so I have quite a lot of new visitors to the site. I hope you’ll stick around!
Now, I’d like to talk a bit about guilt. A nasty little thing, guilt. It sneaks up on you, sits on your shoulder, and whispers in your ear. You shouldn’t have eaten that. Why aren’t you at the gym right now? Why did you make that decision, you fool? You are a bad person.
Do you feel guilty just looking at this cupcake?
Late last week, I was pretty tired. I’d done the half marathon on Sunday, worked all week, made it to Aqua Fit class on Wednesday, and done a good chunk of voice over work. By the end of the week, I was spent. And yet, I fully intended to hit the gym again. But when I walked out of work that night, I realized I just wanted to go home, lay on the couch, and catch up on my DVR. So that’s what I did.
But boy, did I feel guilty about not going to the gym. Lounging and watching TV is a great stress reducer for me, and something I really enjoy. But this time, all I could think was, I should have gone to the gym. I’m not a good person, a good person would have worked out. I am a bad fatty.
(Good fatties, for the record, are those that work really hard to maintain healthy habits so that thin people can feel okay about accepting us as we are. If you’re eating a “good” diet and working your butt off in the gym, then even though you mysteriously aren’t getting thinner, at least you’re trying, so society accepts you more than they do “bad” fatties, who lay around covered in Cheetos dust, jacking up health care costs. Just for the record.)
Where was I? Oh, guilt. So I sat there on the couch feeling guilty about not going to the gym. And then I realized that taking a break is just as good for my well-being (mentally and physically) as getting in the pool or on the elliptical. Sometimes we need to rest, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Sometimes we need to rest because we’re physically beat, and other times we need to rest just because we feel like it. We don’t need to have an excuse to rest. Guilt, you take take a hike.
I’m willing to bet that you feel guilty about your food choices more than anything. Ate a cookie after lunch? Guilt. Ate four pieces of pizza? Guilt. Ordered a burger and fries instead of a salad? Guilt. Feeling stuffed after a big family dinner? Guilt. Even more than physical discomfort, we feel that gnawing sense of guilt.
I learned to let go of guilt when it comes to food a long time ago, and I can’t tell you how liberating it is. It goes hand in hand with applying morality to food – what’s “good” versus what’s “bad.” Give it a try. For a day – heck, even just a meal – stop thinking of food in terms of morality. Just eat. And when guilt taps you on the shoulder and tries to whisper in your ear, shaming you for your choices, slap a little duct tape over its mouth. It’s not easy, but it is possible. You can relearn how to eat, you can develop a healthy relationship with eating, even if the food itself isn’t always healthy (i.e., high in nutritional value). Because, c’mon, pizza and cookies are delicious!
As much success as I’ve had with stripping guilt from meal times, I haven’t gotten that far with working out. If I don’t do something active every day, I feel lousy. Not physically lousy (I get enough activity during an average week to keep my body feeling good), but mentally so. It comes back to that good fatty/bad fatty concept. I want to be seen as a good fatty, one who tries hard, who makes an effort. That’s something I need to let go of, and I’m working on it.
That’s a big part of Big Fit Deal, and my philosophy on life: Working on it. Becoming truly aware of who you are, and learning to embrace parts of you that maybe aren’t so “pretty.” And then we can take that information and do something with it – we can learn to look at ourselves differently in the mirror, we can work on undoing damaging habits, we can learn to accept that some things take time, and life is a journey. Not every day is a good day, but we can learn to be okay with whoever we are, even on the lousy days.
Oh, and about the title of this post. The guilt part you get. The trip? That’s my sly little reference to the fact that I’m going on vacation tomorrow! The next BFD dispatch will be from the southern coast of Maine. See you there!
