My post the other day about the guy from high school who told me I’d be pretty if I wore makeup and lost weight led to a lot of discussion, both here on the blog and over on Facebook. Some people wanted to share their stories of being shamed and bullied. Others wanted to assume the best of the guy who said that to me, saying he was young, he was just trying to help, that he has a good heart.
He probably does have a good heart. And I understand wanting to think the best of him, including back when he was in high school. It’s totally likely that he thought he was being both kind and helpful, instead of presumptuous, cruel, and arrogant. But the simple fact that he thought he ought to (and should) comment on someone else’s body is the problem, no matter if his intentions were good or bad.
(Of course, you are welcome to disagree with me about any of this, but remember: It’s my blog. Ha!)
We all need to stop assuming we have a right – and an obligation! – to comment on other people’s bodies. And we need to make sure we teach our children that it’s inappropriate as well, so that another teenage boy doesn’t assume telling a fat girl she should stop being fat is kind and helpful.
That said, I want to take a moment to run down a list of times when it is actually appropriate to comment on someone else’s body. If you find yourself wanting to say something about someone’s body and it isn’t on this list, stop. I don’t care how much you believe in what you want to say to that other person, how kind or helpful you think you’re being. There is approximately a 0.00000001% chance that the person you want to “help” is unaware of what their body looks like. You commenting on it is pointless and unnecessary. It’s arrogant of you to presume that you have anything to say to anyone about their body, especially when it comes to the size or shape of that person’s body.
So! As I was saying. There are three times when you are totally allowed and encouraged to say something to someone about their body. With a hat tip to Christi on the first two, here we go:
When there is something in that person’s teeth.
When that person’s zipper is down (or their skirt is tucked into their pantyhose, or when any other wardrobe malfunction has occurred of which they may be unware).
[Sorry, there’s no way I could find a gif for this that was appropriate for polite audiences.]
When a booger is involved.
I’m pretty sure those are the only times you should feel you can and should say something to someone else about their body, but I’m open to other suggestions. Share them in the comments!
Oh, and to all of you who shared your stories about being bullied and shamed, and to those of you who offered me kind words, I give you this:
