The body positive interwebs and my Facebook news feed have been blowing up with conversations about Maria Kang, a mother of three who has a website about how she has transformed her post-pregnancy body. Accompanying these discussions is a photo of Kang in a workout bra and shorts, surrounded by her three young children, with notations of their ages. Across the top of the image are the words “What’s your excuse?” (Note that I’m not linking to her site or page because I don’t think she needs more clicks. You can find her if you want to.) Of course the implication is that if a mother of three young kids can have a body that ripped and fit, I can – and should – too. And that goes for you, too.
Why, why, why do we have to put other people down? Why can’t this woman just be proud of her accomplishments without simultaneously making other people (women and mothers especially) feel really crappy about theirs? I know some people find “fitspiration” photos inspiring, and if you enjoy them (or “before and after” photos), that’s fine. But why do these images of “perfect” bodies also have to come with words that make it clear that if we don’t look exactly like this, we are weak, lazy failures? Why can’t Maria be proud of herself without making other people feel crappy?
My body could never look like Maria Kang’s body. Never. Even if I quit my job and dedicated my life to working out and restricting food, I would still need serious plastic surgery to even come close. The thing is, it is completely pointless for us to try to look like someone else, especially when it comes to fitness. I would need Maria Kang’s metabolism and genetics to look like Maria Kang. Which clearly I do not have. I’ve mentioned this before: Have you seen the variety of bodies in the world? It’s amazing! So why are we so convinced that we should all look like one body type, this “perfect” type that Maria has? And if we were truly, biologically meant to all look like Maria, wouldn’t we? This is where the argument happens between people who believe you can be predisposed to thinness, but there is no way you can be predisposed to fatness. Fat is weakness and laziness, they think. We can all look like Maria if we stop making excuses.
I’ve seen a lot of comments that say this woman is right to “challenge” us with the “What’s your excuse?” question. That if the question makes us uncomfortable or angry, that’s because we are ashamed of our bodies and the lack of effort we’ve put into making them look better. We are upset because we are making excuses, and Kang has called us out, and we’re embarrassed to admit our failure. Well, frankly, that’s a load of crap. I am a very fit and active person. You can’t see my abs, but that doesn’t make me less than Maria Kang, or full of excuses.
Imagine if I said to you, “I’ve walked 11 half marathons, what’s your excuse?” There are a thousand reasons why you haven’t walked 11 half marathons, and none of them are my business, and none of them make me more and you less. It just makes me someone who walks half marathons, and you someone who doesn’t. That’s all. (Notice that I used the word “reasons,” not “excuses.” The word excuse implies shame, and there is zero reason to feel shame about your life and the way you choose to live it.)
Kang can’t understand why her words are considered bullying. We do throw that word around a lot lately, and I think most of us are pretty hyper-sensitive about the idea of bullying. I am more inclined to see her words as arrogant and snarky. She is super proud of her body, and that’s great. If you want to brag about your accomplishments, go right ahead. But she also felt it was a good idea to make other people feel lousy about their bodies while showing hers off, and that’s really crappy. It’s not inspiring, it’s just mean and unnecessary.
And oh, the irony: This started blowing up on my Facebook page on Love Your Body Day. There are a lot of people who, like Kang, think we should only love our bodies once we’ve made it look like hers. That’s a pretty sad world, and I choose not to live in it.
