“Why did you cut your hair? I liked it long. Here’s a secret: Men like long hair.”
A man said that to me yesterday. How do you reply to something like that? I ended up saying simply that I like my hair short, but you know, it’s pretty amazing that this man felt like he should – that he needed – to say that to me. How lovely to know that I haven’t met his standards of beauty… or, apparently, those of men in general.
Being told that I shouldn’t have short hair is relevant to me both as a woman and as a fat woman. While I don’t think this man’s comments had anything to do with my size, it still got me to thinking about all the other things fat women shouldn’t do (because obviously short hair is a huge no-no for a fat woman). Let’s break some down:
- We shouldn’t wear skinny jeans, leggings, or yoga pants.
- We shouldn’t wear horizontal stripes.
- We shouldn’t show off our bare arms.
Want to know what I have to say to those “shouldn’ts”? This:
There are plenty of other “shouldn’ts” if you are a fat woman. You definitely shouldn’t wear tight or revealing clothing. And you shouldn’t wear loud patterns or colors – unless they camouflage your fat in the right way. Do a quick Google search you’ll not only see list after list of what you shouldn’t do, but you’ll also get plenty of advice on what you should wear… to cover up your fat, of course. (My favorite thing is how many “How to hide your fat body” articles feature skinny women. Check out this one.)
Forget it. Forget all the rules, all the shouldn’ts, all the shoulds. Wear what you like, what makes you feel comfortable, what makes you feel beautiful. If you want a pixie cut, go out and get yourself a pixie cut. If you want to die your hair red, shave it all off, or grow it down to your waist, do it. Create a personal style, embrace it, and don’t let anyone tell you that you shouldn’t do something because of the size or shape of your body.
In hindsight, I was too polite to that man who insulted my hair yesterday. I’m sure he thought he was doing me a favor, but it truly was an insult. Change happens when we step outside our comfort zone, so the next time I have the opportunity to respond to someone trying to dictate what I should do with my body or hair (and I undoubtedly will), I will be firm and forceful, and I will not let them get away with this kind of “helpful” talk.
How about you? Has anyone every offered you “advice” about your wardrobe or your hair? How did you respond?
