When I was in middle school, I fell in love with a song. It was, I thought, the most beautiful, romantic song I’d ever heard. I knew that this was the song that would play when my husband and I shared our first dance as Mr. and Mrs. This song became so special to me… that I didn’t listen to it for over twenty years.
I’m totally serious! I could have recorded the song off the radio. I could have bought the record, or the cassette, the CD, the MP3. I could have watched the video on MTV or VH1 or YouTube. I could have rented or downloaded or streamed the movie in which it appears. The opportunities were everywhere! But I was convinced that it would be all the more special if I didn’t hear it for years, didn’t listen to it even once until that magical spin on the dance floor with Mr. Right.
was going to be my dance partner.
News flash: I am not now and I have never been someone’s wife. I haven’t had a wedding reception where I could play this song. I haven’t gazed up into my groom’s eyes and sung this song to him. What I have done is start listening to this song. It was weird at first. I felt like something crucial had changed, something important was over. And something important was over: Waiting for something that might never happen.
Letting go is hard. It’s especially hard when you’re letting go of things that are expected of you (either by you, or by society, or both). Let’s face it, being a 40-something never-married woman is not something most people strive to be!
Because this is BFD, let’s think about being fat. I let go of the idea that I will someday be skinny years ago. It was hard, it is hard, but it’s been so amazing, too. I don’t put things off in the hopes that one day my body will be smaller, and life will be magically perfect. I just, you know, do things. Live my life.
In some ways, it was harder to let go of the idea of the Special Wedding Song than to let go of the Dream of Thin. But when I did start letting myself listen to that song, I was so happy! I had been denying myself something I enjoy in the hopes that something might happen. Might. That’s no way to live! The other day the song came on my iPod (putting it on there was a big step!), and I cranked it up and sang it at the top of my lungs. Twice.
What are you holding on to? Why are you afraid of letting go? There is so much life out there, you need both hands to hold on to it all. You can’t grab big fistfuls of life if you’re holding on to something that needs letting go.
Oh, right, the song! You probably want to know what it is, right? With no shame, I give you Mr. Peter Cetera, and “Glory of Love.” I swoon.
