I love words. They are my life and my livelihood. I love the moment where I put my fingers to the keys and the words start coming. Whether I’m writing fiction or a post here on BFD, words help me to understand, shape, and be a part of the world.
Here’s a word I love: fat. No, I’m serious! I use it as a neutral word that describes my body, but some people don’t understand that. Here’s an example. The other day, I posted this selfie on Facebook:
A friend asked if I was now sponsored by Nike, and I replied that they would never sponsor a fat woman! Heck, the only Nike products I can comfortably (and cutely) wear are the ones that go on my head, hands, and feet. Anyway, another friend commented:
Ouch, stop defining yourself as fat, you are sooo many (positive) things, and this picture shows just how cute you are inside and out!
Wait, what? When did I say anything to make someone think I believed that I wasn’t many positive things, or cute? I just made a comment – an accurate one – about the size of my body. I ran through a huge range of emotions when I read that comment. I was mad at first, and then sad, and finally glad… because I knew it had provided me with another teachable moment.
Okay, so let’s break this down. First and foremost, a fact: I am fat. Totally and completely. How fat? Well, according to the BMI, I’m obese. Like, no question about it, almost off the charts obese. According to all the charts and measures, I’m definitely, positively, most assuredly fat.
Next up: Can’t you see me? You just have to turn your gaze my way to see that I’m not thin – not by a long shot. Yes, I know I have a comparatively thin-looking face, and that I’m pretty good at taking a flattering (read: thin-looking) selfie, but there is plenty of photographic evidence (in this post alone!) of the truth of the matter. So, I don’t know who you think you’re fooling by telling me I’m not fat.
Well, that actually brings us to the crux of it. It’s not that you don’t know I’m fat. You do. But you have been told that ‘fat’ is a terrible, negative word, and you don’t want me to think terrible, negative things about myself. Let’s talk about the things that I do not mean when I say I’m fat: I do not mean that I’m ugly, unattractive, unhealthy, unlovable; I do not mean that I’m worthless, stupid, stinky, or gross. Know why? Because fat doesn’t mean any of those things. And because of that, I don’t use the word as way of telling you I think those things about myself.
Most people in my life, and certainly those of you who have been on this BFD journey with me, know all this. I have become so comfortable with the word fat, and its meaning and non-meanings, that I am shocked when I have to explain it again. But I’m very glad to do it.
Let’s wrap things up with a few word rules, shall we? For me: I get to choose how I define and describe myself. For you: You get to choose whether or not you will spread the hurtful and inaccurate non-meanings of fat.
Oh, and for the record? I think I am many positive things. And cute!
