Think of time when you’ve wanted something very, very much, but you were unable to make it happen. It can be frustrating, overwhelming, and depressing to not be able to get what your heart most desires.
This weekend, I attended the wedding of one of my favorite people. During the ceremony, the priest talked about how my friend had wanted to find “the one” and get married for a long time, but every time she thought she’d met the right guy, God told her, “request denied.” It was a funny moment (among many!), but it also spoke to me. God wasn’t going to grant my friend her heart’s desire, because it wasn’t the right time, it wasn’t the right place, and the guy wasn’t the right guy. I think all of us sitting in that church on Saturday were thrilled to know her previous attempts at finding life-long love had been denied, because this guy? He is the one.
Full disclosure: I am not a religious person by any means. But the message from this priest really resonated with me. There are things in my life that I have wanted very, very much, and my requests have been denied. (I myself have yet to meet Mr. Right, so if you’re reading this, please say hello!) Have they been denied for the same reason my friend’s request was denied – because it wasn’t the right time or place, because I wasn’t ready? Or have my requests been denied because they just weren’t meant to be?
Many, many times in my life I have wished to be thin. Wouldn’t I be happier, if my body was smaller? Wouldn’t I have the things I have so desperately wanted all my life, including a great guy to love me? I have wished this so hard, I’m sure all the gods in all the universes heard me. But my request has been repeatedly denied.
Now, you might say, body weight isn’t about faith or hope or wishing, it’s about hard work and sweat, it’s about sacrifice and dedication, it’s about will and willpower. Well, I’ve done all that. I have willpower in spades. The truth is, there are things outside the the realm of wishing and hoping and prayer and trying really, really hard, and I believe that body weight is one of those things. As I’ve mentioned before, it’s true that I could make diet and exercise my full-time job, and I could get a bit smaller. But the amount of effort and struggle that’s required for my specific body to maintain a smaller shape would make me a pretty miserable person to be, and to be around. That’s not the way I want to spend my days.
On Saturday, I learned that a request denied can be a wonderful thing. For my friend, every Mr. Not Quite Right just took her one step closer to Mr. Right. For me, having my request for thinness being denied has led me here, to the body positivity movement, to BFD, to trying to help build a world where we don’t have to loathe the amazing and powerful bodies we were given just because society and the media have decided our shape isn’t “right.” I’ve faced a lot of obstacles to get here, and there will be plenty more roadblocks and detours along the way, but I know that I’m on the right path.
Whether you believe in a higher spiritual power, the universe, or Team Free Will, the idea of a request denied can seem like a bad thing. But if we take a step back and look at the big picture of our lives, it’s possible that we have been given just what we need at just this moment… whether that something is meant to help us grow, help us change, help us accept, or help us prepare.
Have you had a request denied? Share in the comments.
And congratulations, Leah and Jeff! Your request for a happy life to share has been approved.
